the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Someone came in the potted fern
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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