He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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