READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ketchup is God's man juice
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
