I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
