Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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