I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
