I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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