I think I died a long time ago.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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