I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i need some magic done to my vagina
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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