farters have to be the big spoon...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
