Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
