just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
