He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
