I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
