hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
