So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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