Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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