Betty ford says i'm here all night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
