Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
