There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
