It's just like the Real World with babies
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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