my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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