Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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