He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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