Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
