I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize