btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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