I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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