You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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