I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
