Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
