Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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