some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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