i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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