sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Shame - the story of my life.
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