I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
