can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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