I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
