i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
