I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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