I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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