I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just found puke in my bra..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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