i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
