does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
