I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
