what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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