I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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