ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
