Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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