The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
