My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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