what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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