and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
