I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
