Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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