I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
