Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
