I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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