hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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