i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
