oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
