So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
