If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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