i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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