I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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