i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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