Soap is not a condiment
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
